Jealousy is often described as a disease. I would even say a debilitating disease. Learn opposite words for the emotion and fight back.
If I asked you to tell me the opposite of jealousy you'd probably say trust right? You're not exactly wrong, but recently I discovered there's much more to it than that. Most women are emotionally driven creatures, and can only see through issues with "emotional goggles" on. Men on the other hand are much more logical creations and see through issues with rationalization. That can make a recipe for disaster unless the two are willing to work together and see things from the other's point of view.
On a rational logical level most men tend to think that if there's any sense of jealousy from a woman that she automatically does not trust him. Sometimes that is the case, but others it's really something much more deep rooted. She could completely trust that he would never ever touch another woman but still feel jealousy over thoughts and feelings. To a man this is ridiculousness. Jealousy over a thought? But, he didn't DO anything! Yet his natural born tendency to "check out" other women can send his partner into a downward spiral of debilitating doubt and fear. This can quickly become a relationship deal breaker. What can be done?
The first thing that we all need to accept is that we all look. Men will quickly tell you, "Oh that's just a guy thing." Really, it's not. Women check out men too. If you see a good looking creation it's natural to want to appreciate it. Where women get hung up is that we feel we can appreciate it without feeling like we'd like to take it further, and that men cannot. That leads me to my second point. The second thing we all need to accept is that we have a responsibility in that natural desire to look. What is that responsibility? To not dwell on it. See the creation, appreciate it, and then move on. Men are wired to think those thoughts that we as their women partners dread. WIRED to. It happens before they even realize what they are thinking. A respectful man who is dedicated to his woman will move on and not dwell on the thought. Same with us women. We need to do the same thing.
Men, I need to pick on you here for a minute. You in particular tend to talk to your woman as though she's your buddy. If you see hot woman that you cannot help but to appreciate momentarily...shut up. Don't make comments. Don't bring attention to it. Just appreciate it and move on. If your woman is not there and you're just with your buddies say what you want; but, if your woman is there or your buddies woman is there...keep a lid on it, please. There I've said my piece about that. If you want your woman to get over the jealousy then that's a huge part you can play.
Now, I know that was a long way around the main point of this article, which is the opposite of jealousy. The reason "I said all that to say this", is that deeply emotional women need something extra to let this go. It's important to build that foundation of understanding that was discussed above, but there's an extra push that women may be able to use to honestly put this behind them.
Let's look at some descriptive words for the emotion of jealousy: anxious, apprehensive, guarded, mistrustful, possessive, resentful, skeptical, and suspicious are several. Ladies, does that sound like anything that belongs in a relationship? Nope. That sounds like a quick route to break-up-ville.
Now let's look at some descriptive words that mean the opposite of jealousy: confidence, contentment, satisfied, trusting, unresentful. I like to think of these words as "jealousy fighting tools". You know which one stood out to me the most? Confidence. Have you ever heard the saying, "There's nothing sexier than self confidence"? If you're with a guy who makes you feel like you need to change yourself to be sexy and attractive you're with the wrong guy. A man who appreciates you just like you are, really and truly...can help you see that no matter who else he may see and appreciate it doesn't matter. He knows what he's got; and, he likes looking at you and appreciating you much more than some random chick that crosses the path of his eyes. You are his "baby". She's just some girl he happened to catch a glimpse of.
Think about this. Women who feel like they need to change things to be sexy often don't want their man to see them undressed. They want to hide imperfections. He wants to see you. If you're so worried about how you look that you won't let him see you, how long is it going to be before he starts dwelling on the thoughts of the girl he caught a glimpse of? It's a nasty catch 22 isn't it? Confidence. It's a powerful jealousy fighting tool.
I'm going to take it even further for those of us who really need to "get" it. If your man tells you he loves your butt and it's his favorite thing about you...believe him. Then when you're watching t.v. together and some woman that you feel that you could never live up to shows her butt on t.v. and he likes it...you'll know it doesn't matter. He likes yours better. How do you know for sure he likes yours better? Emotion. See, if we stop to think logically (like a man does) we can get back to what we as women crave...emotion. He is emotionally attached to you. When he sees your butt...it's what he thinks of as his butt. Because of everything he shares with you, you can be assured that no matter what else he sees, he likes yours better. Even if you and he both consider the woman on t.v. a "ten" and you only think of yourself as a seven. You want to be the most beautiful woman in the world to your man. Guess what? You are, and it's because of the emotion. The very thing you crave. The emotion mixed with what he appreciates when his eyes see you makes you the most beautiful to him. Even when he sees a super model (and appreciates it).
Now there are the immature guys who as I mentioned before are going to make comments, tell you that you need to change things, or make you feel like less in their eyes somehow. I used to date a guy who would say (every stinking time!) "Yeah, but it takes money to get a woman like that" every time a super model type would appear on the television screen. To me, that was a message that I was less. If he had money to get a woman like that (the woman I could never be) then he would have. He was just settling for me because he didn't have the money to live out his dream of having a woman like that on his arm.
I've dated men who came to me and told me that "it had to be said" that I needed to lose some weight. Look if you have gained a LOT of weight and your man asks you to work on it, it's not necessarily a message to dump him. How he says it and the amount of pressure he puts on will be an indication of where his heart is. Of course we all want our partners to be healthy and attractive to us. Maybe he's just trying to help you to be healthy and feel better about yourself again. If you just gained a few and he comes to you and makes you feel like your a less attractive version of your formal self then dump him. Right now. Dump him. (And ask him to look in the mirror and tell you what it is that he thinks he has to be so picky about.) We can't use self confidence as a jealousy fighting tool if we're dating "tools". If you're already married to the "tool" I guess you can't just dump him but think hard about what he's really saying to you. If you have a mature man who loves the way you look and you make up your mind to believe him...confidence can be the best jealousy fighting tool you ever had in your possession.
My sweetheart talked to me about this for three days before I could get a grip on it. In man time that felt like 3 weeks probably; but, he saw me through it and the more I "get" it the stronger we become. We can face the world together and know that no matter who we see and appreciate, we always like each other better.
As always if you want to put your two cents in, leave a comment and thanks for reading!